Everything about you is constantly
communicating. (WARNING: Long sentence ahead!) Putting aside the actual words
and content of your speaking, consider that your level of energy, your
psychological state, where your head is (in the moment, in the past, in the
future), your clothes and how you wear them, your hair, your facial
expressions, your eyes, your gestures, your posture, your lips, your breathing
patterns, your tone of voice, the pace of your speaking, and the volume of your
speech, all these things and more, are constantly sending out bits of
information about you that people either consciously or subconsciously are
“hearing,” interpreting, and evaluating. (Okay. Take a breath.) Given this
reality, ask yourself this: Is all this data supporting what I am actually
verbalizing and moving me toward achieving the goal of my communication, or is
it detracting from or, worse, contradicting what I am saying?
When I use the word “excited,” does my
energy, tone of voice, and body language, communicate this excitement or do
they communicate boredom?
When I tell people how deeply I honor
and respect them, with the utmost sincerity, while being slouched over in a
chair, staring off into space, and my fingers tapping to the beat of the music
in the background, are my words going to communicate my “utmost”?
With eyes squinting, lips pursed, and
arms folded across your chest, you then say, “Yes, I would love to do this for
you,” what is it I will “hear” you communicating?
Imagine an important conversation you
have recently engaged in. It can be with your spouse, a child, a coworker, a
client, anyone. In your mind’s eye imagine you are watching a video of this
event. Place your intended outcome right in front of your eyes. Now. Replay the
video with the sound turned off. Notice the gestures, the nervous tics, your
expressions, the energy you are demonstrating, your posture, your breathing,
your eyes, your hands, your feet—notice everything. Knowing what it was you
were seeking to communicate did your non-verbal communication support or did it
detract from your outcome?
Replay the video, only this time turn
the sound up. Listen to the melody of your voice and your breathing patterns.
Pay attention to your word choices, the general outline of your
presentation/conversation, and to whether or not the energy and tone of your
words communicated your truest feelings regarding your topic. Where do you see
the highest degree of congruency between these things and the goal of your
communication? Are there any incongruence’s that detracted from your intended
outcome?
The more congruent we are in our
communication, where our psychological states, posture, clothes, eyes, and
everything else about us that is communicating, aligns with the words we are
using, the message we are seeking to convey, and the outcome we intend to
realize, the more effective we will be as communicators. When it comes to
communication and persuasion, congruency is power.
Copyright,
Monte E Wilson, 2013
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