Tuesday, May 28, 2013

The Victim Card: Starring Sergio Garcia!

Sergio Garcia: victim of Tiger Woods. “I could have made that shot but he played out of turn and the crowd yelled during my swing.” Maybe people would have given you some slack here, if you hadn’t been playing this card for over 10 years, now. Man up, dude! This guy is such a whining victim that we could say, “Hey, look who is playing the Sergio Card,” and most people would know what we meant. He even told a reporter who had asked him if he would have done anything differently, now that he had thought about it: “Hey, I am the victim here!” Serg, Sergie baby: you need a Life Coach!

And what can I say about those people on Facebook whose posts are constantly about how life is forever serving them bowls of dried-up worms. I am soooo tempted to “like” their post, or to write a comment such as, “You need to meet some of the people in Sudan I know who are so desperate for food that they are boiling tree-leaves to feed their children.”  You would be amazed how caring for those less fortunate than you, and being grateful for all that you do have, can cause you to let go of that victim card.

A lot of people create their victimization in their own minds so they can feel good about themselves, explain their failures in life, and so on. “Feel good about themselves?” Yep. That’s the pay off! All the fawning attention and sympathy: man, does that feel good. Poor, poor Sergio: you would have beaten that evil Tiger, too, if you had only been treated with respect. Does somebody need a hug?

Some people, of course, were severely abused in their past. Atrocious crimes were committed against them that were despicable and diabolical, leaving them with terrifyingly painful wounds. Yet, even here, is there a point where I am holding on to my status as victim rather than choosing to move on, taking possession of my soul, and creating a good life? Sure, this can be a long process, but it’s never going to happen if I don’t start taking back my life, now.

A woman once called me for a counseling session. As I knew she had been raped, I was expecting to be hearing from a very anguished and traumatized lady. Do you know what she told me, as soon as she sat down? “I am grateful for your empathy but I am not here to wallow in self-pity. My therapist helped me to get to a place where I refuse to give that man any more power over my life. I am here to ask you for help in dealing with all those well-wishers who insist on defining me as a rape-victim. It happened. It’s not who I am.”

Stop giving victimizers (real and imagined) power over your life. Get out of the back seat of your life and start driving your own car toward the life you wish to create. If you failed to get the promotion, stop pouting and throwing temper tantrums and figure out what you need to do so as to add value to yourself and your employer. If your marriage failed, find out where you contributed to its demise, deal with yourself, and move on. Stop blaming your ex- for where you are today. You are where you are. (Monte’s Laptop: That is soooo deep! -- Yes, it talks to me.) If you don’t like where you are, change it. All the blaming just keeps you stuck in the past. If you want a future worth living, take back your power by taking responsibility for your present life circumstances. Or not. It’s your choice. Always has been.

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2013

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