All the Lonely People

Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name

Nobody came

Father Mckenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave

No one was saved

All the lonely people

Where do they all come from?

All the lonely people

Where do they all belong?

--John Lennon and Paul McCartney

there is a loneliness in this world so great

that you can see it in the slow movement of

the hands of a clock.

people so tired

mutilated

either by love or no love.

people just are not good to each other

one on one.

the rich are not good to the rich

the poor are not good to the poor.

we are afraid.

--Charles Bukowski

Scratch just beneath the surface of most everyone you know and you will discover a suffocating loneliness. People starving for emotional connection-- “Please notice me. Please care about my life.” – yet unable to find their heart’s desire. Some people, of course, are black holes where no matter what you say or do it will never be enough. Most people, however, are either afraid to open up and ask for company and companionship or are emotionally crippled by their loneliness and have given in to what they perceive as their destiny.

Take notice of people, even strangers. Look them in the eye when you speak to them and pay attention to what they are saying.

Be present. People know when your mind wanders to other concerns or thoughts. I think this is one of the greatest gifts you can give to people: the respect of your full attention. 

Treat everyone with dignity. Remember they too were created in God’s image, no matter how marred that image has become.

Love because that is who you are, not because you want or expect something in return.

Don’t greet people with your needs; greet with them with your love.

Most people assume that others don’t care one wit about them. Surprise them. Then surprise them again.

Small kindnesses make all the difference in the world.  

Begin the practice of offering brief silent prayers for all those whom you encounter. “God be with him.” “May she encounter your love, Father.” “God grant that I may be an instrument of your love: here, now, with these people.”

And if you are one of the lonely people? Well for whom do you think all these suggested actions were meant? Loving others has amazing curative powers!

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2012 

Enya: O Come. O Come Emmanuel

Angels We Have Heard on High: Andrea Bocelli

Take the Red Pill!

Morpheus: Do you want to know what IT is? The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us, even now in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth. (Monte: Think, Zeitgeist… the spirit of the age.)

Neo: What truth?

Morpheus: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage, born into a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch. A prison for your mind.... Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this there is no turning back. You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.... Remember, all I'm offering is the truth, nothing more....

--The Matrix

Last week my friend Daniel Tocchini posted a question on Facebook: “What question is your life answering?” To which I immediately replied, “Take the Red Pill!” Which got me to thinking.

I guess you could say that I took the pill when I was 17 years old. From this time on, quests for reality, meaning, purpose, authenticity, creating personal legends and legacies has been my North Star. Of course this quest lead to other Big Questions regarding how to live my life (by what ethical standard?), the nature of Truth, Love, Goodness, Freedom, God, what happens after death, and etc. These questions, and others like them, have haunted me for 43 years. At times they even torment me. But mostly they thrill and inspire me. 

By the time I was 25, I began wondering why it was that not all people were consumed with meaning, purpose, and authenticity, or with consciously seeking answers to the questions that life demands of us. One of my professors told me that only around 10% of the population thought about such things. As I repeatedly came across this statistic, and I was continually meeting large groups of people who showed no outward evidence of thinking along these lines, I gradually came to believe it was true.

“Okay. As a speaker, writer, and coach, my target audience is that 10%.”

There was something inside me, however, that never quite accepted that statistic. In fact, as time went on, I increasingly found my understanding of human nature—of our being made in the image of God--warring against this idea.

I finally came to believe the vast majority of people have addressed these concepts and questions, even if it is only on an unconscious level. Moreover, I think these people live as they do, make the choices that they make, and experience what happiness and suffering that is in their lives, because of the definitions they have given these concepts and the answers they have given to these questions.

It is not a case where the high powered businessman and woman who works every waking moment at achieving more and more in their careers, to the point of ruining their health and families, haven’t considered the meaning of their lives or asked any of the Big Questions.

The barista with only a High School education who gave you your coffee this morning and, after she finishes her shift, will work another 8 hours at a department store, go home, read some chapters in Fifty Shades of Grey, watch TV, go to bed, and repeat the same routine month after month, year after year: she too has considered the concepts of reality, meaning, and purpose, and answered many of life’s major questions.

The issue is not that so many people don’t think about these concepts and questions, but that their answers are inadequate and often flat out wrong. Every day their angst, breakdowns, depression, disconnects, floating anger, neurosis, numbness, uneasiness, and lack of fulfillment at the very depths of their souls is screaming to them that this is so.

            Part of my Quest in life is to wake the hearts and minds of people to all this screaming and to inspire them to start paying attention to their souls. It is the answer to Dan’s question, it is the reason for my book, Legendary Leadership, why I write these blogs, and what colors most all of my conversations with businessmen and baristas. Take the Red Pill! Waaaaaaake Uuuuuuup! Paaaaay Attentioooooon!

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2012

Celtic Woman: The First Noel

The Siege Perilous

In the Arthurian legends, Merlin built a chair to be placed at the Round Table and reserved for that Knight who would successfully fulfill the Quest for the Holy Grail. This seat was called The Siege Perilous.

When I was 17 years old, I self-consciously embarked on my quest to become the person God created me to be, and to discover my arena of achievement where I would do what I was called to in this world. At that time I had no idea how arduous the quest would be, as all quests are. I thought I had taken off on a 100-yard dash. It took me years to realize that it was a marathon up a steep mountain path lined with Mordreds who wished to poison my soul, dragons that wanted to devour my world, and Black Knights who wanted to either dissuade or destroy me. More dangerous than all these enemies was my own heart, however, where I had to battle faithlessness, fear, and idealism.

At 17 years old, I was clueless regarding just how absolutely necessary steadfastness and endurance were going to be in my quest. I was not even faintly aware that I had embarked upon The Siege Perilous, where there was no yellow brick road lined with blue Smurfs cheering me on as I blissfully sauntered my way toward the Holy Grail. I had no idea as to the nature of the ordeals I would have to pass through, if I were to successfully achieve my quest at the end of my days. 

In my 20’s I would write in my journals about the adventures ahead, the glory of the battles, and the victories that would be achieved. It never occurred to me that one day I would be writing in my journal about how grateful I am just to be surviving. Some days, some years, “victory” is when you are still standing, still breathing, still hanging on.

In my 20’s I could not imagine being the man who, just days before turning 60, would write in his journal: I am a frayed and frail survivor in a splintered wreck of a world where I have done my fair share of splintering and wrecking. Every day I live is a gift of mercy where I am permitted to crawl and claw my way through the hours seeking to be true to my quest. I am more shocked over the fact that the Great and Good God is still giving us time to seek for Love, Truth, and Goodness, than I am by evil. I pray daily against hardness of heart, hopelessness, and the terror of love and the vulnerability it requires. In other words, I pray for Faith, Hope, and Love. My heart breaks for the broken, is thrilled by seekers of Truth, and is filled with joy whenever I encounter those bloodied and scarred survivors who heroically refuse to give up on their quests. With God’s grace, I intend upon being such a survivor.

            The ordeals we face test our resolve and commitment to the quest and are used to shape us into the individuals we were meant to become. The battles we fight can serve to strengthen our faith, hone our skills as warriors, and impart greater wisdom. The longer we stay with The Siege Perilous, the more humble we become: the slower we are to judge others, the quicker we are to offer words of encouragement, and the deeper our awareness of just how utterly dependent we are on God’s grace.            

            In Stephen R. Lawhead’s, Grail, just before Arthur and his Knights were about to engage in the battle for the Holy Grail, Merlin stands and declares: “Hear, Men of Britain, Valiant Ones … the Head of Wisdom speaks. Heed and take warning … the battle is joined, and every man who would achieve the quest must face many ordeals. Be not dismayed, neither be afraid, but face the trials to follow with all forbearance, for the Swift Sure Hand upholds you, and the Holy Grail awaits those who endure to the end.”

            Face the trials and do not run from them. Own the defeats and learn from them. Take time to celebrate even the smallest of victories, and then get back onto the path of your quest. The battle has been joined. The Sure Swift Hand will uphold you as you endure to the end, where the Grail of your quest will be waiting for you.

Copyright, Monte E. Wilson 

Give Yourself Permission

I think, therefore I am. René Descartes

I don’t think: does that mean I don’t exist?

I am who I hope I am.

I am who my parents think I am.

I am who he/she/they/it “makes” me feel that I am.

I am my history.

I hope this is not who I am.
I am my secret.

I am not him. I am not her.

I am whatever I am feeling at the moment.

Each of us is a once in eternity being. Rather than discovering and developing our unique identities, however, most people go through life allowing others to define them, often trying on other identities as if they were shopping at a Department store looking at various suites of clothing. “This looks promising. I think I will wear this identity for a while. Does it come in blue?”

People look at us but they can’t see our true selves. Our voices belong to mom and dad; our feelings are manufactured so as to better fit in with our tribe; our brains are filled with ideas we mindlessly adopted from others as teenagers; our souls have been rented out to television.

We hide so much of our truth: the truth of what we think, feel, and believe. I hid my emotions. Still find myself doing so. I rarely have any middling emotions. Most every thing I feel is with incredible intensity. On top of this I am quite sensitive. When I was very young, for some damnable reason, I choose to hide this and become a card carrying Stoic. Why? Why choose to steel myself against my true experiences of the world around me? Why expend all this wasted energy on pretending to be other than I am? And what happens when these emotions spill over my steel wall of resolve? People wonder where the real Monte went. “Sorry, folks: that was him. Give me a few minutes and I’ll get him down to the basement back in his chains.”

 I have coached and counseled so many people who are waiting for their parents, siblings, friends or churches to give them permission to be their true selves. “But what if they don’t approve of this self?” Why relate to the world out of such weakness? Why are guilt, fears and anxieties holding you back from the freedom that comes with being who you truly are? Give. Yourself. Permission. As Rabbi Zusya said, “In the world to come I will not be asked, ‘Why were you not Moses.’ I shall be asked, ‘Why were you not Zusya.’”

It is rare to meet a free soul, an authentic (self-generated) individual who does not take his cues from the world for his way of being or for his thoughts, ideals, beliefs, and behaviors. You know when you are around such people. You feel good around them: very good. Or I do, anyway.

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2012