One
of the most common failures in effective communication is to speak to people as
if they were carbon copies of us. My father, for example, had one—and only
one—style of communication: direct and blunt. Like Joe Friday (Dragnet), dad was a “Just the facts,
ma’am” kind of guy, so that was his mode of communicating. Of course this also
meant that you were all-in on bluntness. As he experienced a good measure of
success with his style, he never saw any need to expand his repertoire. This,
too, is quite common: a little success often gets in the way of increasing our effectiveness.
“But
this is me, the full me, all me. If people don’t like it, they can move along.”
So, let me get this straight: the intent and goal of your communication takes a
back seat to your style and mode of communicating? Really? And, when people do not “hear” you, this is the mindset
that leads you to conclude, “You can’t
handle the truth!” (Best ever
imitation of Jack Nicholson.) The
reality for your audience, however, was that they hadn’t heard much of anything
you said, as they were preoccupied with feeling invisible.
Demonstrating
Understanding
There
is no communication without rapport. Whatever the context of our communication,
our listeners need to sense that we have an appropriate understanding of who
they are as individuals--their needs and wants, their personalities and
preferences, their hopes and fears--before they will give us the right to influence,
persuade or instruct them.
If
you have little or no understanding of your audiences’ core beliefs, cultures, personality
make-ups, and past experiences with those who sought to communicate what you
are communicating, sell what you are selling, or teach what you are teaching,
you are going to be clueless as to how best to frame your communication.
Without sufficient understanding of your audience’s identity, the chances for attaining
and maintaining rapport are pretty much nil.
Listen.
I am not saying that we must undergo a total personality makeover each time the
makeup of our audience changes. I am suggesting that effective communication
requires that we avoid unnecessary barriers (for example: forgo direct and
blunt, when your audience prefers indirect and solicitous, or vice versa), and that we do everything
in our power to discover the mindsets and heart-sets of those with whom we
intend to communicate.
Think
of it this way: Everyone with whom we speak, be it with loved ones, students,
employers or employees, team members, clients, or parishioners, has a request
of us – Please understand me. Unless and
until we grant their request with ongoing demonstrations of understanding,
pretty much every word we speak is heard as only so much blah, blah, I don’t
care enough to discover what makes you tick, blah. If all that matters is
delivering our thoughts, then, by all means, talk on. If, however, we genuinely
wish to be heard, then we will want to grant our audience’s request.
Copyright, Monte E Wilson,
2015
No comments:
Post a Comment