I’m a craze you'd endorse, I’m a powerful force
You're obliged to conform when there's no other course
I used to look good to me, but now I find me
Simply Irresistible!
(With apologies to
Robert Palmer)
Buckle up!
Do you have problems
with sustaining long-term satisfying relationships? Are the people in your
world constantly “projecting” back to you a “self” you do not recognize? “No,
no, that’s not me. You don’t understand!” Looking back on those people
who were close but are now marginalized or who have disappeared altogether: is
one of the common denominators here the fact that these people didn’t
continuously applaud your every move or organize their lives around you, your beliefs, or your demands? Does
it aggravate you to no end when people refuse to accept that your way of seeing
things is the only permissible viewpoint? How many close friends do you have
that feel free to give you less than flattering feedback? Do you find remorse
to be an alien concept? When was the last time you truly and humbly asked
someone to forgive you? Is a consistent sense of gratitude not in your
emotional repertoire? Do you find it difficult if not impossible to truly
empathize with others, which is not the same thing as projecting your own thoughts
and feelings onto them? When you are with your friends, do you find that you
are usually the one directing and even controlling the conversations?
If you were thinking,
“Wow, a lot of this sounds like me”? Bad News: You are a Narcissist.
As Ovid tells the
story, Narcissus was walking in the woods one day when he sensed someone
following him. Aggravated, he cries out, “Who’s there?” Echo, a wood nymph who
had fallen in love with him, replies, “Who’s there?” (Get it? “Echo”?)
Revealing herself, she runs up to Narcissus and tries to lay one on him, but he
wont have anything to do with the poor girl and tells her to get lost.
Heartbroken, she pines away in the woods until nothing is left of her but an
echo.
The Goddess Nemesis,
being over the Department of Revenge, was not amused by all of this so took out
after Narcissus with payback blazing in her eyes. Knowing he would fall in love
with his image, she lured him to a lake where he saw his reflection in the
water… and swooned. Not being able to tear himself away, he sat there day after
day, adoringly peering at himself, until he died.
And it is here, dear reader,
where we get the word, Narcissist.
While we typically think of
such people as proud and haughty, narcissism can take on other forms as well,
such as the Preening Victim or the Humblest (or The Most Loving) of All People.
But it is still all about me, me, and, O yeah, Starring Me!
But what about those of us
who, from time to time, succumb to narcissism-lite, or narcissism with a small
“n”?
When the healthy pursuit of
self-actualization or self-realization morphs into self-absorption, we have started
drinking narcissism-lite: a very addictive brew, indeed.
When I begin interpreting and
evaluating people’s attitudes and behaviors solely
in terms of myself—my needs, agenda, beliefs, and feelings—I am wading in the dangerous
waters of narcissism.
When I go a long period of
time only thinking of my own interests and needs and have utterly forgotten or
ignored the interests and needs of others, I have been auditioning for the part
of a narcissist!
When I am harder on myself
than God, when I demand more than God requires, I am informing God that I am
what: Holier than Him? Know more than Him? Can you spell n-a-r-c-i-s-s-i-s-t?
The antidotes to narcissism are
love and humility. Loving God with all of my heart, mind, and strength, I am
reminded that He is God, and I am not, which is the root of humility. Giving my
heart and life to loving God, my heart begins learning to love as He loves,
love who and what He loves. And humbly loving others as I love myself leads me to care
for their needs, their battles, and their souls, as passionately as I do my
own. These are the people we truly find irresistible.
Copyright,
Monte E Wilson, 2013
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