Breaking Your Rules

Most people have rules for how you must relate to them. There are the Primary Rules such as don’t lie, cheat, steal, etc. Then there are the Secondary Rules: for example, Don’t ever raise your voice at me; Tell me I am good looking, at least once a day; When I ask you a question, you must answer me instantly; Faithful is the friend who never wounds me with the truth; Laugh at all my jokes.

One of the problems with our Secondary Rules is treating them as if they were Primary Rules, so that failure to obey them will get the rule-breaking sinners excommunicated from our presence, or at least sent to their room for a time-out. But do we really want to treat “raising your voice at me” as if it were the same as “stealing from me”? Maybe they’re just passionate communicators, for crying out loud. Sorry. For crying out sooooooftly. Don’t want you to go all Darth Vader on me.

Another problem with Secondary Rules is that we are often not conscious of them. To us they are presuppositions that are so unquestionably true that we do not even think of them. Never have. Well, not until someone crosses us and then our anger is screaming: “Look! Why it’s one of my rules being broken!!” (I have a theory here that the more Secondary Rules you have, the fewer the friends, but that’s a topic for another day.)

The next time you choose to erupt in anger at someone who has broken your rules and banish them until they show an appropriate degree of repentance, STOP! Take a breath. Now. Ask yourself:

Is this a Primary or Secondary Rule and am I responding accordingly?

Did this person know about these rules?
Did she/he/they agree to abide by your rules?

I wonder if it would help here, if, once you become aware of a Secondary Rule, you would place it in a category titled, Preferences. And it would definitely be useful if you would have conversations with your loved ones about these Preferences. After you’ve calmed down, of course.

My experience is that more relationships are busted up by conflicts over Secondary Rules than by Primary ones. Worse, the offenders were quite often clueless about the rule, until they had broken it.

“But they should have known. After all, everyone knows this is a rule. Come on, Wilson, if Moses were alive today, he would have chiseled this one onto the stone tablets.”

Riiiiiiiight  

Edited Reposting - Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2013

Off-Loading Love in Honduras!

This small nation is the 2^nd poorest nation, after El Salvador, in Central America, and the 6^th poorest nation in all of Latin America.  Over 60% of the population lives in the depths of poverty, eking out an existence on $2.50 per day.

It is also ranked 9^th in the world (WHO) for “violent death,” aka murder. When a nation is so impoverished that it hasn’t the resources to provide sufficient protection to its citizens, especially from those trafficking in drugs, we know that the average citizen is living with dread every time they or the children leave home.

As you would expect, however, it isn’t just crime and poverty that is racking this nation: they are also suffering with diseases such as diabetes, cancer, and heart problems.

Poverty, violent crime, and disease, all scream, Please, Come. Help. Us. 

On this particular trip, we brought in millions of dollars worth of medicines to distribute to doctors from across the nation. The need is great, as pharmacies and even the hospitals have little or no drugs to dispense to their patients. As one doctor told me, “I can write prescriptions all day, but no one can fill them.”

Dr Raul presiding over distribution. Every case, every pill, is accounted for, as is exactly what each doctor received.

The faces of physicians receiving medicines were awesome. They looked like children on Christmas morning! 

Dr Raul told me that we have touched the lives of 35,000 people with the medicines we have been sending in.

The military here forms brigades that go out into villages and distributes medical supplies. 

It was an incredible opportunity to serve some amazing doctors and their patients. 

One of the things that can be challenging to communicate regarding distributing aid is that, for the recipients (as well as for us the donors), this is far more than a material transaction. For them, the medicine communicates that people see their plight and care. So. We are not merely off-loading items from container ships: we are off-loading love. And because of support from people like you, we will continue doing so!

Monte

Giving Hands

Aid for Starving Children

Copyright, Monte E Wilson, 2016