In quietness and
in trust shall be your strength.
–God
It
is relatively rare for me to engage in debates, any longer. My 40+ years of
experience in mouth-to-mouth combat is that we very rarely win over people’s
minds and hearts by arguing with them. Typically such debates merely polarize
the combatants (telling word, eh), rather than winning over those with whom we
are speaking. I am not suggesting that I do not have strong convictions for
which I am ready to passionately defend or explain; only that I rarely see an
opportunity to actually have a conversation where we seek to persuade, rather
than browbeat.
My
experience is that, generally, people have come to their convictions and
positions via fear and anger or past
hurts and disappointments. When this is the case, deductive logic,
philosophical arguments, theological assertions, and history lessons, aren’t of
much use. If there is to be a meaningful conversation in such a situation, it usually
must begin at the psychological level, and most people just don’t want to go
there, as they are convinced their emotional reactions are logical arguments.
Maybe if we sought to first befriend others, or at least to develop an
authentic rapport, there would be more possibilities for getting down to their
real issues. Anyway-
What
do we do when everyone around us is screaming?
A soft answer turns away wrath.
–Solomon
If
you believe you must speak with those whom are screaming, remember the Wisdom
of Solomon. Trust me. If you will keep speaking softly (or hold off on using
caps lock), 7 out of 10 times the decibel levels will fall and you just might
have an opportunity for a genuine conversation.
Make it your ambition to lead
a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just
as we told you. -St Paul
If
you’re finding that most every day you are lobbing mouth-grenades on Facebook,
at the office, wherever, you may want to reflect on your ambitions. If your
life is defined by arguing with others, how about taking a break from
“Tongue-fu!” and spending time on making
your life the argument for what
you believe. You will be amazed by the conversations your life will elicit.
But the wisdom
that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of
mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. –St James
Tell me exactly how peaceable we are when spit is flying out
of our mouths and you can see our pulsating jugular from 10 yards away? How
gentle are we when everything about our demeanor and words scream. “I want to
throttle you”? (There’s a difference between being stern and being mean-spirited.)
Is there anything about us that says, “I am truly listening to you,” or “I am
easily entreated”? Which all begs the question: What is the source of our
wisdom? Is it from above or from elsewhere?
When someone urinates on what you hold sacred, pleasantries
are idiotic and disingenuous. Got it. But think about this: Do we want to win
this person over, to disabuse them of illusions, to help them come to the
Truth? Or do we wish to make sure they see that they are numbskulls? What is our
intended outcome? If you want to
fight, have at it. But if we want to win people over, we may want to change our
communication strategies … and our attitudes.
Copyright, Monte E
Wilson, 2015
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