In the Arthurian legends, Merlin built a chair to be placed at the Round Table and reserved for that
Knight who would successfully fulfill the Quest for the Holy Grail. This seat
was called The Siege Perilous.
When
I was 17 years old, I self-consciously embarked on my quest to become the
person God created me to be, and to discover my arena of achievement where I
would do what I was called to in this world. At that time I had no idea how
arduous the quest would be, as all quests are. I thought I had taken off on a
100-yard dash. It took me years to realize that it was a marathon up a steep
mountain path lined with Mordreds who wished to poison my soul, dragons that
wanted to devour my world, and Black Knights who wanted to either dissuade or
destroy me. More dangerous than all these enemies was my own heart, however,
where I had to battle faithlessness, fear, and idealism.
At
17 years old, I was clueless regarding just how absolutely necessary steadfastness
and endurance were going to be in my quest. I was not even faintly aware that I
had embarked upon The Siege Perilous,
where there was no yellow brick road lined with blue Smurfs cheering me on as I
blissfully sauntered my way toward the Holy Grail. I had no idea as to the
nature of the ordeals I would have to pass through, if I were to successfully
achieve my quest at the end of my days.
In
my 20’s I would write in my journals about the adventures ahead, the glory of
the battles, and the victories that would be achieved. It never occurred to me
that one day I would be writing in my journal about how grateful I am just to
be surviving. Some days, some years,
“victory” is when you are still standing, still breathing, still hanging on.
In
my 20’s I could not imagine being the man who, just days before turning 60,
would write in his journal: I am a frayed
and frail survivor in a splintered wreck of a world where I have done my fair
share of splintering and wrecking. Every day I live is a gift of mercy where I
am permitted to crawl and claw my way through the hours seeking to be true to
my quest. I am more shocked over the fact that the Great and Good God is still giving us time to seek for Love, Truth, and Goodness, than I am by evil. I pray daily against hardness of heart, hopelessness, and
the terror of love and the vulnerability it requires. In other words, I pray
for Faith, Hope, and Love. My heart breaks for the broken, is thrilled by
seekers of Truth, and is filled with joy whenever I encounter those bloodied
and scarred survivors who heroically refuse to give up on their quests. With
God’s grace, I intend upon being such a survivor.
The
ordeals we face test our resolve and commitment to the quest and are used to
shape us into the individuals we were meant to become. The battles we fight can
serve to strengthen our faith, hone our skills as warriors, and impart greater
wisdom. The longer we stay with The
Siege Perilous, the more humble we become: the slower we are to judge others, the quicker we are to offer words of encouragement, and the deeper our
awareness of just how utterly dependent we are on God’s grace.
In
Stephen R. Lawhead’s, Grail, just
before Arthur and his Knights were about to engage in the battle for the Holy
Grail, Merlin stands and declares: “Hear, Men of Britain, Valiant Ones … the Head of
Wisdom speaks. Heed and take warning … the battle is joined, and every man who
would achieve the quest must face many ordeals. Be not dismayed, neither be
afraid, but face the trials to follow with all forbearance, for the Swift Sure
Hand upholds you, and the Holy Grail awaits those who endure to the end.”
Face
the trials and do not run from them. Own the defeats and learn from them. Take
time to celebrate even the smallest of victories, and then get back onto the
path of your quest. The battle has been joined. The Sure Swift Hand will uphold
you as you endure to the end, where the Grail of your quest will be waiting for
you.
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